The end of Poptasi

I don’t even know where to begin

You know what’s funny. That i’ve got loads of things i wanna share with you. Coz actually i’m curious about your thoughts too. The one thing is how far should i go? I mean, how personal should i be. Or actually ‘can’ i be. Let’s just see how far i can go. How far i dare to go. Coz writing is one thing. Posting is another. I’m always so incredible nervous when pressing the publish button. Or maybe it’s excitement. I guess a mix of both.

OMG. I got sooo many things i wanna write about. I don’t even know where to begin. Everything is connected you know. Seriously everything. So let me just jump in and start with the most powerful- and yet the most delicate thing on this planet. It never happens to me. Or maybe just once or twice in my life. Love. True love. Yes, I’m in love. OMG. It’s terrible. I am terrible.

But it’s not what you think it is. Or is it..? What do you think it is?? Personally i think Star Wars couldn’t be more right. Love has a light and a dark side. You think you can handle that..? Or should i stick to writing about pastry? 😝

A true believer

Believe

Love is beautiful. The most beautiful thing in life. Food tastes better. Music sounds better. Inspiration and motivation go through the roof. But you know what’s terrible? That it has changed me completely. I mean, it’s no secret that I am romantic. Being sensitive and romance often go hand in hand.

But I usually don’t like these couples who are just too much. The ones that can’t take their eyes off each other. Constantly caressing and holding hands. Yuk. But the worst thing is that I’ve become one of them. OMG. I’m terrible. And what makes it even worse, she is like that too. We even say the corniest things to each other. And it feels so great. OMG. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I’m enjoying to the max.

Terrible

You know how terrible it is? Something I always thought was bogus. But now sincerely believe. You better sit down, coz this will sound too corny. That there is all sorts of love in life, but there is only one true love. The one that you’re destined to be with. It’s crazy that this person controls the beating of your heart. Scary and bliss.

Anyways, you might have guessed already that this is the most wonderful thing that could have happened after all this shit happening to me the last years. Things finally turning around for the good. Everything beautiful. I’ve become a true believer again. The concept ‘Become a rockstar’ which I created in March this year, finally felt right to launch. I was ready.

Beauty of love

One of the beautiful things of being in love, is that it makes you feel confident. Which is quite something for me who is usually the opposite. Yes I know, too sensitive. Can’t help it. But anyways, you notice every little detail. And she notices it too. Literally no detail gets unnoticed. O M G. We’re terrible.

What’s also terrible, is that something changed. My intuition has never been wrong. Although it has been fooled many times. Still never wrong. But something had changed. As if the details didn’t matter anymore. She suddenly didn’t answer my questions of how she’s doing anymore. She ignored them. Or even worse answered with a question. Is something wrong? How are you feeling? She answered with ‘nothing wrong, i’m ok’. While you know deep in your heart something is not ok. But why would she be making things up. Why would she be lying to me all of a sudden. Should i listen to my heart or believe her words.

Always trust your intuition

My intuition was right. She had a change of heart. Out of the blue. OMG. Only now I felt the true power of love. The one I’ve unconsciously feared most in the back of my mind. The one that is even stronger than the beauty of love. The dark side of love. O… M… Freaking G no.

R.I.Poptasi

R.I.Poptasi 2018

The dark side of love has overshadowed me. And OMG it’s so f**king strong. (pardon my French). I know life has ups and downs. But this down is deep. Deep and dark.

What if I say it is

People often tell me that life isn’t just black and white. But what if I say it is. Please don’t blame me. But it’s one or the other. It’s good or it’s bad. There is no in between. Eventhough the mass is grey. That’s why they probably call it grey mass. Between black and white. Anyhow. If you feel great you can handle the biggest obstacle with ease. But if you feel weak or lost, the tiniest setback is killing.

It’s no secret that the last two years of my shop were hard. The ones where Gemeente Amsterdam was working against me with hiding my shop behind dump containers. I couldn’t do what I loved doing most anymore. In stead of feeling the energy from creating, It drained me. There’s not much left after two years of your energy being drained. Amsterdam slowly killed Poptasi.

She killed PoptasiThis dark side of love overshadowing me didn’t really help either. She actually gave the last blow. She killed Poptasi. But before you get desperate or depressed, please continue reading. You can call it fate, but as I told you before, everything is connected. So is this. Everything happens with a reason. To me it makes total sense. But it’s not easy to explain all at once.

It’s like i was in pastry school where we had to do this friandises assignment. I wanted to create four crown jewel macarons, but the teacher disapproved my idea. I couldn’t explain to him what made sense in my mind. So I decided to show him. Which meant creating these jewel friandises even though he didn’t agree. But when the macaron jewels were finished he gave me the highest grades of the class.

Give it some time

Do you know what I mean? I can’t easily explain what’s happening. But I’ll show you. It will make sense to you once you get the dots connected. Give it some time. Be patient. She killed Poptasi. Poptasi is dead. Love, R.I.Poptasi. To be continued…

 

 

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